Away
by fromthehillbythelake
Summary: All the reasons are good to be free. Eclare deals with Eli's graduation. "He swore it wouldn't hurt." Eclare ONESHOT.


**So I got a little inspiration from Eli's video last night to write a oneshot about Eli graduating. **  
**  
Somebody asked me a while ago on my tumblr to write about Clare's graduation, and I'm sure I will, it's just I wanted to do Eli's first. [I'm sorry, I don't remember your url, but I'll dedicate that oneshot to you:)]** **There's a copy of this story on my tumblr - thanks to whoever read, reblogged, and liked it - but I wanted to put it up here too :)**

**I recommend listening to "Good Reasons," by Caracol while you read this, but do as you will ;)**

**This is a tad bittersweet, but I hope you enjoy it (I've got a soft spot for it, ha).**

**I don't own.**

**And this is dedicated to all my readers. Thank you.**

* * *

_Graduation_

_-x-  
_

"Eli Goldsworthy!"

He stirs.

He takes a breath before lifting a foot to the steps, his hands in his pockets. It looks nonchalant, but his knuckles are white.

The applause continues, and all he thinks is _don't fucking trip_.

The graduation gown is drowning him, and he relishes that it's black.

His face flashes on the large slideshow screen behind them, his smirk reflected to the crowd.

He's got about ten more seconds.

Mr. Simpson holds out his diploma, warm and endearing.

He reaches for it, shaking the principal's hand and looking to the crowd.

_If I see her, everything will be okay._

He searches.

"Congratulations," he hears.

"Thank you."

And at the last second his eyes connect with _hers_, and only then is the crowd rewarded with a smile.

He shakes more hands, some teachers he guesses (it's too rushed for him to know).

He sees Fiona waving brightly to him from her spot ahead, diploma already in hand. Dallas is swaggering nearby, followed closely by Bianca who regards Eli with amusement.

He turns back, his eyes skimming over Marisol and falling on Jake grabbing at Katie around Mo in the line. Imogen peeks out from behind them, Owen in front of her.

And just as he walks off the stage, Drew rounds the corner of the line.

_I'll miss these fuckers_, he realizes.

He thinks of whispering a joke to Clare, reaches for her fingers, but remembers she's not in his line. Not in the line at all.

He makes his way back to his seat amongst his graduating class, diploma under his arm, his knuckles still white.

But then his skull ring taps against the gold watch in his pocket.

"_That way, I'll be up there with you," she says, lacing her fingers with his._

He smiles in that inevitable way he knows she loves.

He waits to be called up again for Honour Roll (with about 100 others). Is surprised when his name is called for the English Academia and Drama Performance awards, drums his fingers as other students receive theirs: Science, Mathematics, History...

Though exams only finished about a week ago, he doesn't miss Degrassi. Not anymore.

The people though...

He wants to take the memories with him.

But he knows they'll be safe with her.

He wants to keep the memories there though, so they'll keep her safe too.

Every time she passes a certain window, locker, brick, door...she'll be able to smile in that way she knows kills him.

Katie makes her Valedictorian speech, and everyone alternates between silence and laughter, fondly remembering. Exchanging affectionate, tender glances. Some cry.

This is the Class of 2013, and it's all theirs. In that moment, there is no _us_ and_ them_. Just a Hall full of kids and their families. A Hall full of stupid kids trying to belong. Who all ended up here.

And suddenly he's bubbling with excitement.

He's _graduating_.

He isn't worried. He isn't fucking sad.

Because nothing will be different with the people that he loves. They have each other, and after everything they've been through, it's enough.

It isn't goodbye.

_Shit_, he almost laughs, he's practically _buzzing_.

And Prom isn't even until tomorrow.

_Prom_

_-x-  
_

He swears it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen when she comes down the stairs in her dress.

Every grade 12 student arrives at the Banquet that Friday evening, limos of all different sizes pulling up into the parking lot.

Picture after picture, he looks moody. Occasionally Jake, Mo, or Katie get him laughing, and Clare snaps a shot.

They eat and dance and laugh, forgetting that he'll be gone in two months.

He holds her like he'll never leave.

It's magnificent when everyone sings "Graduation (Friends Forever)," people grabbing onto shoulders and waists like they need it to last a little longer.

"_All of your best smiles are when you're with Clare," CeCe coos, looking through the album._

"_He smiled?" Bullfrog guffaws. _

They gather around the campfire at Drew's place, filling up on S'mores. The jock's off with Bianca, laughing with Owen and Dallas, joined by Imogen and Fiona.

Adam, Jenna, Alli, Dave, and Connor flock towards Clare, wanting to wish the graduates and her well before they take off tomorrow.

Everyone's too excited to sleep.

_After-Prom  
_

_-x-  
_

They're in Bancroft for a week. The six of them are sprawled out on the floor of one of the three cabins they're renting. No parents, no fucking stress, no rules.

Mo and Marisol to a cabin, Jake and Katie to another, Eli and Clare to the one on the top of the hill. Though they aren't really exclusive.

Their days are filled with swimming and booze and canoeing and barbecuing and music and occasional tanning (though the boys will take that to their graves). Their nights are filled with fire and S'mores and skinny dipping and pot and movies and dancing and fucking (and a couple of missing sweaters that the girls will swear they don't know anything about).

_I could stay here forever and be happy_. They all nod.

He kisses her like he won't ever again. This time, she does remember that he'll be gone in two months.

"We'll come back next year when you graduate," he vows, and she takes a picture as he presses his lips to hers again.

"Promise," she says.

_Summer_

_-x-  
_

She works, and he works, and they're too busy to see each other.

_If we can't even make it work now, how are we supposed to do this when you leave?_

One week becomes two and she misses him terribly.

His hands are greasy when she finds him, his shirt crinkling deliciously while he works under the hood of an old Mustang. He's being a sarcastic little shit, so she decides to unbutton her blouse.

"Let's run away."

She only means for the afternoon, knowing she's being too rough on them.

He may be leaving soon, but he's here now.

He swore it wouldn't hurt.

She wants him to go, won't let him not go (but she hopes wanting him to stay a little too isn't selfish).

A little distance isn't going to change _forever and always._

_Tell me this will never end. _

He wants with all his heart to promise her that.

But this time next year, everything will be so different. It feels like they're bargaining too much already. Love is in an hourglass and they keep stealing it.

Fuck it, he's always been a sinner. What's one more stolen kiss?

_What the fuck am I going to do without her?_

_NYU_

_-x-  
_

They swore they'd see it coming, but they didn't.

But it's happening, so here they are. Facing it.

Jake, Adam, Drew, Bianca, Katie, Dave, Imogen, Mo, and even Clare's parents see him off. Fiona, already New York bound, promises to meet him once his flight lands.

He wonders if he's making a mistake.

Clare still doesn't know if she can follow him next year.

He hates her a little for it.

"_I don't have to go to New York."_

"_Yes, you do."_

He loves her a little for it.

She's wearing his headphones around her neck in the backseat, curled against him. Bullfrog's driving. CeCe adjusts the radio in the passenger seat.

He wants to be in Clare's bed again.

"Promise," she says, and presses her lips to his this time.

She's still holding the journal he gave her - filled with his scribblings and poems. He wrote about what reminds him of her, what makes him crave her, what makes him need her, what makes him love her. Summer feels like so long ago.

They're at the airport now. He stirs.

He takes a breath when they reach his terminal. He grips his gold watch to look nonchalant, but his knuckles are white. He wants to grab the "Post-Secret" book Clare gave him, stowed away in his suitcase. _It should smell like her, right?_ She put her favourite pictures of them on the pages with her favourite secrets. He might've stolen a topless one of her, but he's sure she knows.

"We'll Skype, and e-mail, and Facerange-" she begins, but unable to look at her, he envelops her in his arms.

Their breathing is steady, and their bodies are molded, and he finds solace in her neck.

"I don't wanna leave you," he rasps, finally looking into her eyes. _I'm terrified._

And her smile disappears as her resolve finally breaks. He wants to cry as she takes his face in her hands. They hug till he's hurting her, and she grips his back and _pulls _to stop her sobs from escaping.

He inhales her, and she slides her hands under his shirt to gently rub along his spine.

"After one week without me, you'll be happy I'm gone," he lies, because he's running away soon.

She giggles so softly he almost doesn't hear it.

They talk about Thanksgiving and Christmas and Birthdays and Summer, and mention Skype again because there's not much left to say. They're only delaying the inevitable. And it feels better not to talk.

CeCe and Bullfrog butt in roughly to join their hug, and Eli acts extra snarky to avoid breaking down.

And when they finally let go, she holds onto his fingers like it'll make him stay. He gently drops her right hand, and they're not looking at each other anymore. She watches as he backs farther away, her left hand slipping from his grasp until there's a tender squeeze and he drops it too.

"Forever and always," he says, and her arm is still outreached. Like she doesn't know what to do with it now that he's gone. He's never seen her look so lost.

_If she smiles before I turn around, everything will be okay._

And at the last second his eyes connect with hers, and only then does she reward him with a smile.

* * *

**Oh, I hope that was alright :) Review lovely?**


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